Time Again (sneak preview)

         Leon Tchaikovsky’s

                TIME AGAIN

       by Leon Tchaikovsky







Leon Tchaikovsky
19th Century Wolf Productions
208 North Street
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
17101-1124
United States of America







Other screenplays by Leon Tchaikovsky (collect them all):

ROTFL WITH BOB (continual laughter lack-of-travel adventure)

TRIALS OF A 58 YEAR OLD VIRGIN (satire of race and perception)

OUR MAINE GUY (writer returns home years later under a new identity)

REACH FOR THE SKY (comedy Western with space aliens, has it all)

HITTING BOTTOM (satire of the film industry when a porn studio tries to go legitimate)

THE LAST SOLDIER TO DIE (an anti-war, anti-torture satire)

LIFE HURTS (it hurts being young, and different, and in love)

MY SHORTS ARE SHOWING (series of funny short films)

PLAY BY DOZENS (a recovered alcoholic and a prostitute reunite seeking redemption)

THIS FILM IS A HORROR (continual laughter satire of horror movies)

LOS ANGELES COULD DO BETTER (satire of a misfit political campaign)

FINDING THE PERFECT MATE (comedy about people wishing to find what they seek)

PHISH OUT OF WATER (situational comedy about hate and love, which often combine)




















FADE IN.

INT. DON’S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

DON, a wealthy movie producer, hosts an Oscar Party in his mansion.

HARVEY, an actor, watches a large screen television.

CHELSEA, an actress, watches a large screen television.

KARL, an actor, watches a large screen television.

SNOWFLAKE, an actress, watches a large screen television.

Don, Harvey, Chelsea, Karl, and Snowflake are about the same age and have careers in the film industry.

CHELSEA
Here it comes. Moonlight should
win.

SNOWFLAKE
Yeah. Moonlight was great.

DON
The evening’s almost over.
Before everyone leaves…

KARL
Who says we are leaving.
Don? There is plenty of food
to be eaten.

DON
I know this is preliminary,
yet I think it would be great
if we all work together on
my project.

SNOWFLAKE
We have known each
others for years.

CHELSEA
Yeah, ever since college…

DON
Those were the days. Wild
parties.

SNOWFLAKE
Creative expressions. Without
the industry telling us what
we could film and what
we couldn’t.

DON
It is a business.

SNOWFLAKE
It is also a vehicle to educate
the masses.

KARL
As long as the masses pay
for their education, they
shall receive it.

Chelsea stares looking disgusted at the TV screen.

CHELSEA
Oh, come on, just announce
the winner, you big tease.

DON
I always thought back in
college that someday we
should…

CHELSEA
La La Land? Moonlight
was robbed.

KARL
Follow the money. These
choices are like political
campaigns.

DON
Harvey. You’ve been quiet
all night.

HARVEY
I’m wondering if it is a good
idea we all work together…

SNOWFLAKE
Wait! They’re saying Moonlight
won?

DON
Wait, Snowflake, what happened?

SNOWFLAKE
Don, I don’t…

KARL
Is this a publicity stunt?

CHELSEA
Moonlight really won.

SNOWFLAKE
Did it really win? Chelsea, Is this
some joke?

HARVEY
They’re explaining something
about the wrong card being
read.

DON
You know. Peter O’Toole once
was planning on doing that for
a joke. He told a nominee she
would win, and it would be big
news that he read the wrong
name. He would explain he
was drunk. He knew it would
be big news. Only, the nominee
he told actually did win.

CHELSEA
I remember that. People thought
she wasn’t going up for the award
because she was too surprised.
O’Toole had to show her the card
before she went on stage.

KARL
I told you. I bet this is just
another publicity stunt to
keep the Oscars on the news.

CHELSEA
I don’t know. It looks for real
they had the wrong card.

Harvey walks away from the others.

Harvey walks to a stereo system.

Harvey hits a button.

A song plays.

Harvey closes his eyes listening to the song.

INT. NORTHERN CALIFORNIA UNIVERSITY HALL  - NIGHT

The time is several decades prior.

The same oldies song continues playing.

A sing in a hall reading “Northern California University Film School First Year Students Welcome Party.”

Don, Harvey, Chelsea, Karl, and Snowflake, all age around 18, mingle amongst other FIRST YEAR STUDENTS.

Don walks up to Harvey.

DON
Hi. I’m Don.

HARVEY
Harvey.

DON
So let me ask the three
questions. Where are you
from? What’s your major?
Are your parents rich?

HARVEY
Northfield, Minnesota,
Acting, None of your business,
but, no. At least I’m not a
pretender. You?

DON
Los Angeles. Production. And,
yes. Which, bit of advice, even
if your parents aren’t rich, you
tells the females you are.

HARVEY
I believe in honesty.

DON
First lesson about the movie
industry. Honesty is essential.
Even if you have to lie about
it. Second lesson, when caught
lying, lie again.

Harvey spies Chelsea and Snowflake.

Don observes Harvey looking at Chelsea and Harvey.

DON (cont’d)
Interested in those honeys?

HARVEY
I…

DON
Here, I’ll show you how it done.

Don confidently walks up to Chelsea and Snowflake.

Harvey follows Don.

DON (cont’d)
HI. I am Don. This is Harvey.

Harvey appears nervous.


HARVEY
Hello.

DON
We’re going to be schoolmates.
It is great to meet you. So
what part of heaven did
you too fall from?

SNOWFLAKE
Did you seriously just say
that?

HARVEY
I’m sorry, I had no…

CHELSEA
I’m Chelsea. I’m from
Framingham, Massachusetts
and I want to study Acting.

SNOWFLAKE
I’m Snowflake…

DON
Snowflake?

SNOWFLAKE
Yeah, Snowflake. You have
a problem with that?

DON
Snowflake. So you did fall
from heaven. Let me
guess, you’re from San
Francisco.

SNOWFLAKE
Berkeley.

DON
Same difference.

SNOWFLAKE
No, it isn’t.

DON
Let me guess. You
want to act.

SNOWFLAKE
Production.

DON
Me, too.

SNOWFLAKE
I want to make documentaries.
Change the world.

DON
I want to change the world.
Yet I need to make a lot of
money before I can donate
it towards ending poverty
and saving the environment.

SNOWFLAKE
You could help end poverty
by donating it all to the poor.

DON
Then I would be poor.

SNOWFLAKE
Then you’ll learn what it is
like.

A second song plays.

DON
Would you two like to dance?

CHELSEA
Sure. Give us a minute.

Chelsea and Snowflake walk away.

DON
They’re talking about us.


HARVEY
How do you know?

DON
Experience. I call dibs
on Snowflake.

HARVEY
I saw her first. That is
my dream lady.

DON
Snowflake is a feisty one.
That means she’ll be
feisty in bed.

HARVEY
I don’t think she likes you.

DON
That’s just a game they
all play.

SNOWFLAKE
I kind of like Harvey. I
like the quiet type.

CHELSEA
Don is a hunk. I could
mold him.

SNOWFLAKE
Go for it. I think Don is
awful.

Chelsea walks so she is in front of Don.

Snowflake walks she is in front of Harvey

DON
Welcome back, m’ladies.

Don steps in front of Harvey and faces Snowflake.

DON
May I get you a drink?

SNOWFLAKE
Why…yes…ah…Harvey?

HARVEY
Yes?

Snowflake steps so she is in front of Harvey.

Chelsea looks left out and upset.

SNOWFLAKE
Would you get me a hot tea,
with lemon squeezed in. Don’t
put the lemon in the glass.

HARVEY
Certainly.

Harvey walks to the drinks table.

DON
So…ah…Chelsea?

CHELSEA
Yes?

DON
May I get you a drink?

CHELSEA
No, may I get YOU a drink?

DON
I’ll get us drinks.

Don walks towards the beverage table.

Chelsea walks beside Don.

CHELSEA
Because you think we’re the
weaker sex, you need to assert
your dominance through a
chest pounding display of
pouring a beverage in hopes
it will lead to sexual intercourse?

DON
Absolutely.

CHELSEA
OK, then. I’ll get us two ginger
ales.

DON
I don’t want a ginger ale.

CHELSEA
You’re getting a ginger ale.
And you’ll like it.

Harvey returns with a hot tea.

Harvey hands the hot tea to Snowflake.

SNOWFLAKE
Thank you.

HARVEY
You’re welcome.

SNOWFLAKE
Aren’t you having anything?

HARVEY
I don’t want to get too hopped
up  on soda, coffee, and tea.
I don’t want to drive to my
apartment and face a police
road block looking for people
hyped up on caffeine.

SNOWFLAKE
You have a car?

HARVEY
The first thing they told me
when I left Minnesota is
you need to take your car.
I hear they buy toy cars
in baby cribs in California.

SNOWFLAKE
I like public transportation.
It’s good for the environment.

Chelsea returns.

HARVEY
Where is Don?

CHELSEA
He’s submitting to the rising form
of feminism.

HARVEY
That sounds…enlightening.

CHELSEA
Oh, it is.

HARVEY
So, Snowflake…ummm…
would you like to dance?

SNOWFLAKE
I’d love to. After I finish
this hot drink. I wouldn’t
want to burn myself dancing.

CHELSEA
Sometimes one needs to
get…burned.

Don returns holding a ginger ale and a cola.

Don hands the ginger ale to Chelsea.

DON
Here you go.

CHELSEA
Thanks. Your ginger ale
looks a bit dark.

DON
It’s a Coke.

CHELSEA
Too bad.I was looking forward
to our having a shared experience.

TROY, an African American first year student, walks by.

DON
Well, Troy, I am glad you finally
graced us with your presence.

TROY
One has to master being sociably
late.

DON
That’s easy to do when you’ve
spent your life on CP time.

Troy walks close to Don with an angry look.

Snowflake whispers to Chelsea.

SNOWFLAKE
What’s CP time?

Chelsea whispers to Snowflake

CHELSEA
It’s a stereotype that African
Americans arrive late.

SNOWFLAKE
What does c p stand for?

CHELSEA
For Don, it means he’s a
cunt pussy.

TROY
What did you say?

DON
It was a joke.


TROY
A joke? I don’t see anyone
laughing.

SNOWFLAKE
OK, Don’s a cunt pussy. You
both have big dicks. No need
to fight.

Troy looks at Snowflake.

TROY
You’re going to choose to remain
silent over the fact that someone,
right in front of you, insulted an
entire race of people?

HARVEY
OK, we’re sorry. Don, that was
wrong.

DON
Wrong? That was completely right.
Film teachers us how to deal with
words and scenes of actions that
make us feel uncomfortable.

TROY
The film industry has only spent
decades exploiting Blacks. Yet,
if that makes you feel comfortable,
then as the only Black first year
student in the program, then I
am glad to be here for your comfort.

HARVEY
We’re glad you’re here.

TROY
Of course you’re glad. You get one
Uncle Tom Black so you all feel like
you’re being responsible towards
the Black community that will pay
lots of money to see what a bunch
of white people decide should be
on film.

CHELSEA
At least you’ll get work.

TROY
What did you say?

CHELSEA
The benefit of tokenism is there
will always be a token in every
TV show and movie. As the only
Black in our class, they’ll be
calling on you for work all the time.
There are far more women competing
for smaller roles than males get and
for less pay.

TROY
At least women have a range of rolls.
Films all think Blacks are either criminals
or fake whites dressed up in white clothing
with our black skin.

A third song plays.

SNOWFLAKE
Let’s dance.

Snowflake and Harvey dance to the second song.

INT. DON’S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

The second oldies song continues playing.

The older Harvey and the older Snowflake dance.

The older Chelsea, the older Don, and the older Karl watch analysis of the Oscars on a TV screen.

CHELSEA
I really thought Octavia Spencer would win
Best Actress.

KARL
Viola Davis gave a terrific performance. She
deserved the win.

The older Troy enters through the front door.

TROY
I’m here. Folks, please contain her-selves.
All others, well, that’s a different matter.

DON
I am glad her highness graced herself with
her presence.

TROY
I have lots of parties to hit. But you know.
I always save the last for best.

KARL
So where are you going to afterwards?

CHELSEA
I am sure you’re glad Moonlight won.

DON
Yes. Hollywood finally is giving some
proper respect to Black cinema.

TROY
Yes, but only because it included the
gay experience. The white film establishment
got a two-fer, Black and gay.

Snowflake and Harvey stop dancing.

SNOWFLAKE
It was more than a film about growing up
gay. It was about growing up facing
bullies…

TROY
Because he was gay.

SNOWFLAKE
Because he was different. And he faced
growing up surrounded by drugs.

TROY
As does every Black kid in the ghetto.
Only every Black kid doesn’t run
into such a nice drug dealer.

HARVEY
Mahershala Ali did a great job.

DON
He deserved that Best Supporting
award, and he showed the public
what tolerance looks like.

TROY
Tolerance of being gay. Yet did
Blacks come across any better
to white people in, say, Northfield,
Minnesota?

HARVEY
I thought you’d be happy that film
about being Black and gay would be
the year’s best film. The attitudes of
a whole country are shifting. Progress
is being made.

TROY
Sure, progress that is much too  little,
too late. And now there’s a backlash
in the rise of hate groups.

SNOWFLAKE
Free society, free debate. The truth
will win out.

KARL
Only the truth that the very rich and
powerful want us to pick.

TROY
Millions continue to suffer in poverty
and despair, while we look the
other way and congratulate ourselves
that a tiny few made their way out
of poverty.

The second oldies song plays in the background.

Chelsea closes her eyes and sways to the music.

INT. NORTHERN CALIFORNIA UNIVERSITY HALL - NIGHT

The second song continues playing.

The younger Chelsea walks so she is in front of the younger Don.

The younger Snowflake walks she is in front of the younger Harvey.


DON
Welcome back, m’ladies.

Don steps in front of Harvey and faces Snowflake.

DON
May I get you a drink?

SNOWFLAKE
Why…yes…ahh…

A younger Karl walks by.

KARL
You know all they have is
soda, coffee, and tea.

DON
What would you like, Snowflake?

SNOWFLAKE
Would you get me a hot tea, with
lemon squeezed in. Don’t put in
the lemon.

DON
You got it, babe.

HARVEY
Chelsea, may I get you something?

CHELSEA
You think I’m too weak to get my
own drink?

HARVEY
No, I am being polite. Why don’t we
both walk over to the table and we
both get what we want.

KARL
All they have is coffee, tea, and soda.

CHELSEA
Would you like to join us, Karl?

KARL
Sure.

SNOWFLAKE
Wait for me.

Snowflake, Harvey, and Karl join Don at the beverage and food table.

HARVEY
They have pretzels and potato chips.

SNOWFLAKE
There’s nothing healthy here.

DON
You don’t have to eat them.

SNOWFLAKE
For what it costs, the university should
at least be considerate of the dietary
needs of all its students, and not
poising our minds and bodies with literal
poison.

DON
No one ever died from a pretzel overdose.

SNOWFLAKE
It happens slowly. When the salt has eaten
away your arteries, then you’ll understand.

CHELSEA
Salt, sugar, fat, sex. One of them will kill
you.

KARL
If you don’t kill yourself first.

HARVEY
That’s… a disturbing thought.

KARL
What? You haven’t thought about it? No
one who has never contemplated suicide
can ever become a good filmmaker.

DON
I don’t think that’s true. Film can be uplifting
and filmed with positive thinking.

KARL
I just want to write a movie someday that
the world will remember me by, after I’ve
gone.

HARVEY
How often do you…think about…killing
yourself?

KARL
It is better to ask how often I am not
thinking about killing myself.

CHELSEA
You are male, white, by the fact you’re
here, you have access to money. Why do
you want to kill yourself?

KARL
Depression is classless. Half the time
I don’t even know why. The other half,
I’m reminded why I do want to die by
seeing see much rejection in life…

DON
Well, you picked the wrong career in
screenwriting. Screenwriting is nothing
but rejection, and even when you are
accepted, a rewriter, director, actor,
or the studio then change your words.

KARL
Plus I’m gay.

SNOWFLAKE
Look around No need to despair here.
This class is homosexual heaven.

The young Troy enters.

DON
It’s about time you showed up.

TROY
I’m just being socially late.

KARL
Ha! You’re funny.

Troy looks at Karl.

TROY
And who is this specimen?

KARL
I’m Karl. I haven’t seen you
around

TROY
I know. Being the only Black
in our class, I tend to blend in.

Karl laughs.

KARL
That’s a good one.

TROY
I like that you think I am funny.
I’m Troy.

KARL
Karl. I like that you’re funny

TROY
Maybe we’ll work on some
comedies someday.

KARL
I’d like that.

CHELSEA
Karl was just telling us what
a joyful guy he is.

SNOWFLAKE
Troy is out of the closet…
suicidal. I think there could
be a wonderful comedy about
killing oneself.

KARL
Comedy is irony. I think that
film would work.

TROY
Which program are you in?

KARL
Screenwriting.

DON
So you chose the program that
pays the least?

CHELSEA
No, he  chose the program where
he’ll be the puppet master, putting
words in our mouths as he decides
what messages we will present to
the world.

HARVEY
Yes, after all those directors and
executives and what not make his
words conform to their desires.

KARL
And you wonder why I’m depressed.

Don pours hot water into a cup with a tea bag.


Don squeezes lemon into the cup.

DON
Here you go, Snowflake.

Don holds the cup towards Snowflake.

Don drops the lemon into the cup.

DON (cont’d)
Live on the edge.

SNOWFLAKE
You know how many germs
are on a lemon peel?

DON
Billions. They might make you
sick. You might wake up delirious,
which might produce insights that
will broaden your horizon.

SNOWFLAKE
Play your cards right, and you
might be with me when I awake
tomorrow, after I’ve broadened
your horizons.

Chelsea pours ginger ale into a glass.

Chelsea hands the glass to Harvey.

CHELSEA
Ginger ale?

HARVEY
I’d love some.

Chelsea pours herself a ginger ale into a glass.

Chelsea raises the glass for a toast.

CHELSEA
Salute.

Harvey and Chelsea clink glasses.

HARVEY
To changing the world…
through film.

A third song plays.

CHELSEA
Let’s dance.

Chelsea puts down her drink.

Chelsea and Harvey slow dance.

Karl turns to Troy.

KARL
Would you like to dance?

TROY
What? Slow dance with a
Black guy, in public?

KARL
I know. People will think.
And they’d be right.

TROY
Let’s give them a show.

Karl and Troy slow dance.

INT. TROY’S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

The third oldies song continues playing.

The older Troy and the older Karl slow dance.

TROY
Shall we tell them?

KARL
Let’s.

TROY
Gang. We wanted to wait
until we could first tell Karl’s
mother.

KARL
She’s somewhere in Nepal.
It’s been hard to reach her.

TROY
Karl and I are getting married.

SNOWFLAKE
It’s about time, after all these
decades…

KARL
Years. Our college days
were only a few years ago…

CHELSEA
I wish.

DON
So why the sudden rush? Troy,
did you get Karl pregnant?

Karl laughs,

Troy laughs

HARVEY
What’s so funny?

TROY
Private joke.

KARL
It would be more likely
the other way around.

CHELSEA
I think it’s wonderful. Obviously
you couldn’t get married for
the longest time because you
couldn’t.

Harvey turns to Snowflake

HARVEY
So what’s your excuse?

DON
Yeah. You’ve been telling
Harvey for years you wouldn't
marry him until gay marriage is
legal.

SNOWFLAKE
It’s now legal. It was in all the
papers.

CHELSEA
I want to be certain the courts
don’t strike it down.

HARVEY
Which, in other words, means we
shall continue living in sin until
we die.

SNOWFLAKE
You’re worried about sin? You’re
an atheist. You produced a whole
documentary about it.

HARVEY
Lala Land winning Best Picture is
further confirmation there is no God.

DON
Of course it won. You directed it.

HARVERY
I didn’t win Best Director. Which now
makes me fear there really is a God
and He’s getting even me with the
Oscar vote.

CHELSEA
If there was a God, he’d have struck
you down when you came up with that
TV series based on insurance ad
characters.

SNOWFLAKE
I loved that talking lizard.

HARVEY
It paid the bills. And it lasted three
seasons.

DON
Which shows you can fool the public
into watching any kind of trash.

HARVEY
Yes, like those reality shows you
produce.

CHELSEA
To be fair, those shows are scripted
and carefully directed.

KARL
Without paying the contestants
or the writers guild wages.

HARVEY
The winners get half a million
dollars.

KARL
Which is chump change compared
to the lack of salaries you pay.

SNOWFLAKE
I hate these reality shows are taking
viewing time from comedies and
dramas when give us work at real
wages.

DON
The studios, and I, freely admit that
we are out to do what is best for
stockholders, and my pocketbook.

TROY
I have several pocketbooks.

SNOWFLAKE
The dumbing down of television
for a buck. We elect a reality
star President.

TROY
Isn’t this cute? Married people
arguing.

KARL
In a few decades that’ll be us.

Harvey looks at Snowflake and Don.

HARVEY
At least you are getting married.

SNOWFLAKE
At least you won for Best
Picture

DON
That’s better than marriage.
Marriages are a dime a dozen
in Hollywood, but an Oscar is
forever.

HARVEY
But I didn’t win it. It was a
group effort.

SNOWFLAKE
As the director, you made it all
happen.

HARVEY
When you win Best Picture but
you don’t win Best Director, it means
the industry loved the movie, in spite
of your inadequate directing.

DON
Nah, I’d stick with God stuffing the
ballot against you.


CHELSEA
You can’t trust the voters. Just like
you can’t trust them not to overturn
gay marriage.

SNOWFLAKE
I bet you won the popular vote but
not the Electoral College.

HARVEY
I wasn’t even the first choice. I only
got the job after Damien Chapelle
had that car accident.

CHELSEA
We can’t even elect a woman as
President.

HARVEY
To be fair, she wasn't a very trustworthy
candidate.

CHELSEA
I know. She didn’t look Presidential, because
all Presidents have looked like men.

TROY
Argue all you want, but until the United States
elects a dark skinned Black lesbian as President,
I’m not trusting anyone.

SNOWFLAKE
I’m glad Michelle Williams won Best Supporting
Actress. She guest started three times on my
TV series.

HARVEY
She was good. I cried during her performance.

SNOWFLAKE
You cried when you lost Best Director.

HARVEY
Well, that hurts more than losing your children.


KARL
Children are a dime a dozen, but an Oscar is
forever.

SNOWFLAKE
Michelle Williams and I went shoe shopping
once.

HARVEY
I’m surprised that didn’t make the cover of
People magazine.

DON
I’m in this week’s National Inquirer.

SNOWFLAKE
You didn’t tell me.

DON
They ran a shot of me with Tom Hanks.

HARVEY
I didn’t even know you two were dating.

KARL
That I would love to see.

DON
It was from the press event for our
next movie.

TROY
I’m surprised Tom Hanks even speaks
to you after you ruined his career.

DON
Hey, you appear in drag on a TV series,
then do seven years on my children’s
show, he should be lucky he finally is
getting a movie role.

SNOWFLAKE
I’m surprised you’re using him. He doesn’t
have the right look for movies.


TROY
I like his looks. Back when Karl and I were
separated, I asked do Don to introduce us,
and he did

CHELSEA
How’d it go?

TROY
How could Hollywood cast the one straight
man in town as a transvestite?

KARL
You know most transvestites are
heterosexual?

TROY
One sure couldn’t tell by you.

The third oldies song ends.

HARVEY
I like that song. Play it again.

Troy hits a button on his sound system.

The third oldies song plays.

Harvey turns to Chelsea.

HARVEY
Shall we dance?

CHELSEA
Harvey, we’ve been dancing our
entire lives.

INT. NORTHERN CALIFORNIA UNIVERSITY HALL - NIGHT

The third song continues playing.

The young Harvey dances with the young Chelsea.

The young Troy dances with the young Karl.

The young Snowflake turns to the young Don.

SNOWFLAKE
While these babies dance,
would you like to come to
my room and see my etchings?

DON
You etch?

SNOWFLAKE
It’s a euphemism.

DON
Euphemism?

SNOWFLAKE
You know what a euphemism is,
right? You did study for your SATs?

DON
I didn’t do well in vocabulary…or Math.
Sort of why I wound up in film school.

SNOWFLAKE
It means I’m asking you to spend the
night.

DON
I hope you’ll respect me in the morning.

SNOWFLAKE
After you see what I plan on doing, I
am not counting on your respect.

Snowflake walks towards the exit.

Don walks toward the exit.

Harvey watches intently at Snowflake and Don leaving.

EXT. OUTSIDE OF NORTHERN CALIFORNIA UNIVERSITY HALL - NIGHT

Snowflake walks along a sidewalk near the building’s wall.

Don walks beside Snowflake.

SNOWFLAKE
You know, it is a Hollywood tradition
that the lead actors fall in love.

DON
Do you see us as the lead students?

SNOWFLAKE
Why not?

DON
Producers go have casting couches.

SNOWFLAKE
Already you’re thinking of cheating
on me?

DON
You think we could work out?

SNOWFLAKE
Let’s have a workout before we
decide that.

DON
I’m warning you. I can be a bit
kinky.

SNOWFLAKE
Right back at you.

DON
I think I’m going to enjoy attending
Northern California University.

SNOWFLAKE
I’m excited.

DON
I find you exciting.

SNOWFLAKE
This whole experience. We’ll
be making films, being in films,
it all starts now. And I’m sharing
this start with an incredibly
sexy future producer.

DON
Are you trying to sleep your way
into my movies?

SNOWFLAKE
No. Being with  me, you’re going
to want to make movies about me.

Harvey runs up to Don.

Chelsea runs behind Harvey and stops when she catches up to Harvey.

HARVEY
Don..may I speak with you. privately?

Harvey leads Don away from Chelsea and Snowflake.

Harvey whispers to Don.

HARVEY
Are you going to sleep with Snowflake?

DON
That is the intent.

HARVEY
I told you I was interested in her.

DON
Well, so am I.

HARVEY
You’re breaking the bro code.

DON
I called dibs.

HARVEY
Dibs? What are we? Thirteen?

DON
Bro code? What are we? Fourteen?


HARVEY
When I first saw Snowflake, I told
myself, that is the woman I’m going
to marry.

DON
Well, good for you, but tonight, that’s
the woman I’m putting my dick inside of.

Don walks towards Snowflake.

Harvey steps in front of Don so Don can’t walk forward.

DON
Out of my way!

HARVEY
No.

Don swings his fist and knocks Harvey to the ground.

Chelsea runs to Don and jumps on top of Don.

DON
You brute!

Snowflake runs up to Chelsea.

Snowflake pulls Chelsea off of Don.

CHELSEA
I told you I wanted Don.

Snowflake viciously shoves Chelsea against the wall.

Chelsea hits Snowflake with her fist.

Snowflake hits Chelsea with her fist.

DON
Chick fight.

Chelsea pushes Snowflake against the building.

Chelsea slams Snowflake’s head against the wall three times, each time harder than the time before.

HARVEY
Stop! She’s had enough.

Snowflake collapse unconscious.

Chelsea is stoic, dazed, and still.

In the distance, a fourth song is heard.

Don runs to Snowflake.

Don cradles Snowflake.

Don feels for a pulse on Snowflake.

DON
You killed her.

INT. DON’S MANSION - NIGHT

The fourth oldies song continues playing.

The older Don and the older Chelsea dance.

The older Troy and the older Karl dance.

The older Harvey enters.

HARVEY
Hello, everyone. Sorry I am late.

TROY
Why is it your spouse always makes
you late, and the one person whose
single always arrives last.

CHELSEA
Because he has no one to nag him
to get going because we’re expecting
guests.

HARVEY
Well, another Oscars survived. Chelsea,
I’m sorry you lost

CHELSEA
It’s an honor to be nominated. Which
is bull. After four nominations, I really
expected to finally take one home.

DON
It would only serve as a glorified door
stop.

CHELSEA
Better a door held open by an Oscar
than more doors closing on your career.

HARVEY
Being nominated means you’ll get lots
more offers.

CHELSEA
Not at my age. There are only so many
crazy old grandmother roles out there.

TROY
It’s the same for men. All I get offered are
old man drug dealer roles. Doing that
Moonlight movie, which totally bombed,
has ruined my career.

KARL
I haven’t sold a screenplay in ages. All
my institutional knowledge of what works
with audiences, and all Hollywood wants
is the latest twenty year old flash in the pan.

HARVEY
Chelsea, you were fantastic in 20th Century
Women. You nailed that role. You should
have been nominated for that.

DON
Speaking of nailing…

CHELSEA
Dear, our nailing is our own business only.

DON
Ha. Ha.

CHELSEA
That role almost went to Annette Bening, but
Don wouldn’t let her out of her contract.

DON
I did it just for you. Which is why I want to
nail you down for my next movie.

CHELSEA
I would, if you made movies.

DON
I’m hurt. My last two movies were in
the ten highest gross.

CHELSEA
Because they were gross. They weren’t
movies. They were comic book characters
totally unrelated to their comic books, which
at least the comic books had a semblance of
plots. Your super hero movies have no real
plot, no real acting.

DON
There are indeed plots, very complex,
sensitive plots…

CHELSEA
They are nothing but a series of sociopaths
who suddenly develop magical powers that
save the world from some dumber sociopaths
with lesser magical powers. They are nothing
but a series of computerized explosions
and dark fight scenes edited together. Action
toys available.

TROY
I would love to be in your films. Better a sociopath
who can fly through the air than one selling
drugs in the ghetto.

Karl turns to Troy.

KARL
You also make the best scenes being shot dead
by police.

TROY
When the comic books make a gay Black drug
dealer super hero, you know who to call.

HARVEY
I’ll be in your film. My magic power is my walker
turns into a machine gun.

KARL
I’ll be in your movie, but I hate those fight scenes.
Did anyone of your screenwriters ever hear of
Gandi or Martin Luther King? That’s what you
should be teaching to kids.

CHELSEA
See, all your friends want to be in your movie.
You don’t need me.

DON
It would just be a few weeks in front of a
green screen. No big deal.

CHELSEA
It would make me a laughing stock. I am
a serious actor. You can get any idiot
woman actor to throw computerized
demons around.

DON
I want you.

CHELSEA
You have me…sexually. You can have
my body, but I will never let you have
my soul.

DON
Let me remind you, I own you.

CHELSEA
No one owns me.

DON
Do I have to say it?

CHELSEA
You wouldn’t dare.

DON
We all know what happened. I
covered for you. I told the police
she stumbled, and fell. It was an
accident.

Chelsea cries and quivers.

CHELSEA
Don’t remind me!

DON
I made you, and I can destroy you.
If I tell you to do a movie, you will
do it.

The second oldies song plays.

Chelsea stares intently forward.

INT. NORTHERN CALIFORNIA UNIVERSITY HALL - NIGHT

The second oldies song continues playing.

The younger Snowflake, the younger Harvey, and the younger Karl join the younger Don at the beverage and food table.

HARVEY
They have pretzels and potato chips.

KARL
Over there. I see some brownies.

Karl points to the far side of the table.

CHELSEA
I love brownies.

Chelsea walks towards the brownies.

Karl, Harvey, Don, and Snowflake follow Chelsea.

KARL
These are special brownies.

CHELSEA
What makes them special?

KARL
They have a special ingredient.
Mary jane.

DON
That must have gone over the
party budget.

Chelsea eats a brownie.

Snowflake looks intently at Troy as Troy enters the room.

SNOWFLAKE
Who is that hunk of a man?

DON
That’s Troy.

SNOWFLAKE
He’s cute.

DON
He’s not your type, trust me.

SNOWFLAKE
I appreciate a challenge.

CHELSEA
These brownies are good.

Chelsea eats another brownie.

HARVEY
Slow down We don’t know how
potent they are.

CHELSEA
Everything is fine. I feel the world
spinning around me, and it is
beautiful.

DON
You are the center of your own
drug induced universe.

CHELSEA
The universe is slowing down.
My breaths are slowing down.

DON
Hey, Troy, over here,

Troy walks over to Don.

Karl looks sensually at Troy.

Snowflake loos sensually at Troy.

TROY
Hi. I’m Troy,

SNOWFLAKE
Pleased to meet you. I’m Snowflake,
and I hope to melt on top of you.

TROY
That’s nasty, sister

KARL
I’m Karl. I’m in the Screenwriting
program. I’m a Gemini.

TROY
Sorry, but I detest Astrology. So,
Snowflake, is that a nickname?

SNOWFLAKE
No, my parents named me Snowflake.

TROY
We can’t help where we come from. Where
I am from, if your name is Snowflake, you
better know how to defend yourself.

SNOWFLAKE
Oh, I can be tough. I can show you.

TROY
Feisty, aren’t we?

KARL
I can be feisty.

Troy turns towards Karl.

TROY
Yeah, yeah. Don’t be needy.

Chelsea turns to Troy.

CHELSEA
Have a brownie, they’re delicious.

Chelsea eats another brownie.

KARL
No, thanks, I don’t eat food
darker than I am.

HARVEY
Which brings up an excellent
point.

KARL
What’s that?

HARVEY
The subtle racism that Hollywood
completely ignores.

TROY
You’re going to lecture me on racism?

HARVEY
Would you not agree that lighter skinned
Blacks, those with brown skin, or other
minorities, such as Hispanics, or Asians,,
are more accepting to audiences than
actors with dark black skin?

TROY
Wow. You actually said that?

HARVEY
Isn’t it true? Don’t Blacks even discriminate
against other Blacks over shades of skin
color?

TROY
How dare you think you know what it is to
live life as a Black man.

HARVEY
I readily admit I don’t. Yet I recognize racism,
even when people don’t want to admit it

CHELSEA
I think I’ve fallen in love…with these brownies.

Chelsea eats another brownie.

TROY
It’s the same with white people. Won’t you
admit there is a preference for blondes, blue
eyes, and big tits?

KARL
I have a pair of fake tits if you'd like to see
me wear them…

HARVEY
Absolutely. There is internal white bias…
just as there is internal Black bias.

SNOWFLAKE
Gentlemen, why argue. We have four years
to explore these topics.

Snowflake rubs her hand along Troy’s hip.

TROY
What are you doing?

SNOWFLAKE
I’m trying to seduce you, silly.

TROY
I’ve never had a white woman hit
on me.

SNOWFLAKE
Their loss.

TROY
Why don’t we go to my dorm room
and discuss this further?

SNOWFLAKE
Sounds good to me.

TROY
Well, so long, racists. See you later.

Snowflake places her arm around Troy as Snowflake walks away and exits

Troy places his arm around Snowflake as Troy walks away and exits.

Karl faces Harvey.

KARL
I think you made some insightful
points.

HARVEY
Thank you. I appreciate that.

KARL
I like your insights. I look forward
to many discussions with you.

HARVEY
Same here. You appear…quite
intriguing.

KARL
Thank you.

CHELSEA
I can see…nirvana.

Chelsea falls to her knees.

HARVEY
Are you OK?

CHELSEA
Is it possible to overdose on
marijuana?

KARL
No, that’s impossible.

CHELSEA
There aren’t peanuts in these
brownies, are there?

KARL
Yes, there are.

CHELSEA
That explains a lot. I’m deathly
allergic to peanuts

Chelsea collapses onto the floor.

Karl rushes to Chelsea’s side.

Karl feels if Chelsea is breathing and then Karl administers CPR to Chelsea.

KARL
Call an ambulance.

A CROWD gathers as Karl continues administering CPR.

Karl stops administering CPR as he looks up at the crowd.

KARL (cont’d)
She’s dead.

The third song is heard.

Karl stares into space

INT. KARL AND HARVEY’S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

The third oldies song continues playing.

The older Harvey dances with the older Karl.

The older Snowflake dances with the older Troy.

HARVEY
I remember this song from our
college days.

KARL
My, you are nostalgic, aren’t you?

SNOWFLAKE
I remember hearing it the day
Troy and I met.

TROY
Women. You remember things like
that.

SNOWFLAKE
Men. You forget our anniversary.

TROY
It was…in the fall??

SNOWFLAKE
November 21.

TROY
Is that fall or winter?

KARL
I’m just glad this one agreed
to marry me.

HARVEY
Marriage equality was an uphill
battle. I thought we would see
civil union first, and then, decades
later, gay marriage Yet, after
decades of activism, suddenly,
things rolled quickly to fruition.

KARL
You helped make that happen.

HARVEY
I am glad I could donate my hard
earned movie profits to worthy
causes, and that I had the time
to go out on the campaign trails.

KARL
I remember the pride I had at
President Hillary Clinton’s
inauguration.

TROY
I’m thankful for your help after
that in getting Barack Obama
elected President.

KARL
I think he’ll make a good President.

HARVEY
It took the country first accepting a
woman as President, and now we
have an African American President.

KARL
I won’t be happy until we elect a gay
President.

SNOWFLAKE
Wasn’t James Buchanan gay?

KARL
Researchers read through letters and
they concluded that Buchanan wasn’t
gay, but his boyfriend was.

TROY
Why are we so fixated on sex?

SNOWFLAKE
Because we think of it every ten seconds.

KARL
That is not true. Every seven seconds.

SNOWFLAKE
You know that happy relationships are
rare.

HARVEY
Changing topics, although in the last minute
I’ve thought about sex with everyone in this
room…

KARL
Remind me to keep an eye on you.

HARVEY
I dispute that. Karl and I are happily married.

KARL
Not counting when you’re fantasizing about
everyone around you.

SNOWFLAKE
Half of all marriages end in divorce. Thus
close to a majority of married relationships
end unhappily. Before we get married, we
have, what’s the average, seven? Twenty?
Four relationships that did not work out.
Thus, statistically, the majority of relationships
do not work out.

TROY
At least we’re the exception.

SNOWFLAKE
Yes Troy and I fell in love on our first college
mixer. And we’ve never been apart,

TROY
True love exists.

SNOWFLAKE
But it is the exception.

KARL
Harvey and I have also loved each other
since college.

HARVEY
True love surpassed all.

SNOWFLAKE
Our love is resilient. Just like my career.

HARVEY
I am sorry you lost Best Actress

SNOWFLAKE
I know. That Natalie Portman always
gets the votes of the Academy.

KARL
She only won because the screenwriter
decided to kill her husband in the movie.

TROY
Grieving widow. Now that’s Oscar gold

SNOWFLAKE
You do know the movie was based on
a real life assassination?

The third song plays.

Troy looks into space.

INT. NORTHERN CALIFORNIA UNIVERSITY HALL - NIGHT

The third oldies song continues playing.

The younger Chelsea and the younger Harvey slow dance.

The younger Karl walks to the younger Troy

KARL
Would you like to dance?

TROY
What? Slow dance with me,
in public?

KARL
I know. People will think.
And they’d be right.

TROY
Let’s give them a show.

Karl and Troy slow dance.

The younger Don turns towards the younger Snowflake.

DON
Would you like to dance?

SNOWFLAKE
OK.

DON
I bet someday we’ll become the
power couple of Hollywood.

SNOWFLAKE
Only if we change the world.

DON
For now, let’s dance.


Don and Snowflake slow dance.

KARL
Let’s all dance.

TROY
You mean, you, and me?

KARL
Of course. Would that embarrass
you?

TROY
Not one bit. Let’s do it.

Karl and Troy dance.

CHELSEA
Harvey, wanna dance?

HARVEY
Absolutely.

Chelsea and Harvey dance.

SNOWFLAKE
Don, shall we head to my room?

DON
Sounds like a plan.

Snowflake walks to the door and exits.

Don walks with Snowflake and exits.

HARVEY
Look, there are brownies.

CHELSEA
They look fattening.

HARVEY
Try one. You only live once.

CHELSEA
I’d rather dance.

HARVEY
Have you prepared your Oscar speech?

CHELSEA
Yes. I will hand it back and declare they
may keep it until women are paid the
same as men.

HARVEY
The Guild scale is equalized by sex.

CHELSEA
Not for the lead roles. Men dominate
the roles and the pay.

HARVEY
It is what the market bears.

CHELSEA
The market is half female.

HARVEY
But the typical movie attendee
is a young male. The market skews
male.

CHELSEA
If Hollywood made better female roles,
more women would go to the movies.

HARVEY
Then you and I should make that our
mission.

CHELSEA
And don’t think a strong female is one
wearing a leotard and a cape with fake
boobs.

HARVEY
Got it. Hire only women with real boobs.

CHELSEA
Not what I meant.

HARVEY
Kidding. We should create movies that
explore what women want in life.

CHELSEA
Exactly. I mean, there are proper times
when a woman might want to wear a
leotard. You know, I have a leotard.

HARVEY
I’m sure you’d look great in it.

CHELSEA
And my boobs are real.

HARVEY
What a coincidence. So are mine.

CHELSEA
There is some use for disgusting men.

HARVEY
I’m not disgusting.

CHELSEA
I am.

Chelsea walks to the front door and exits.

Harvey walks with Chelsea and exits.

KARL
Movies need to open the public’s
eyes to the gay experience.

TROY
They also need to open people’s
eyes to the realities of poverty
and racism.

KARL
How about a movie about being
Black, poor, and gay?

TROY
That’ll be a money loser.

KARL
We should concentrate on educating
people, not making money.

TROY
Says the guy who’s seen money. You
need money to survive this industry.

KARL
It can all happen.

TROY
We’ll see.

KARL
We have to try.

TROY
I fear the best I can hope for is
playing roles picking garbage
or cleaning toilets. You’ll
probably wind up the middle
square on a game show.


KARL
We can change attitudes.

TROY
You think cinema can undo
centuries of racism and
break wealthy institutionalized
oppression?

KARL
Yes. Because I can’t face the
alternative.

TROY
Excuse me. I need to run to the
little boy’s room.

KARL
And all this time I thought you are
a big boy.

TROY
Oh, you’ll soon find out.

Troy walks to the men’s room, which has a sign reading “Bucks” next to the women’s room with a sign reading “Does.”

JOE, a student from Japan, stares at the door signs.

Joe turns to Troy.

JOE
Excuse me, am I a Buck or a Doe?

TROY
That’s something you have decide
for yourself.

Joe’s face shows his further confusion.

Troy exits into the mens room.

INT. MENS ROOM - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT

The are five urinals in the room. Each is vacant.

Troy walks to the most distant urinal.

Troy urinates.

Joe enters the mens room.

Joe walks to the urinal next to Troy.

Joe urinates.

JOE
Hi. My name is Joe.

Troy looks forward ignoring Joe.

JOE (cont’d)
I said, hi, my name is Joe.

TROY
Sorry, guy, but in America,
men don’t talk to each other
at urinals.

JOE
Same in Japan. If you do,
they will think you are a
homosexual.

TROY
Then why are you talking to me?

JOE
Because I am a homosexual. And
you?

TROY
I am.

JOE
In Japan, homosexuals in bathroom
have a tradition of oral sex.

TROY
Wow, no one in the United States has
ever thought of that.

INT. NORTHERN CALIFORNIA UNIVERSITY HALL - CONTINUOUS -NIGHT

Karl walks around looking impatient.

Karl guzzles a large glass of soda.

Karl walks to the men’s room.

INT. MENS ROOM- CONTINUOUS - NIGHT

Karl enters the room.

Joe is performing oral sex on Troy.

KARL
Troy!

TROY
Karl!

Joe stops performing oral sex.

Joe looks at Kalr.

JOE
Hi, my name is Joe. Pleased
to meet you.

KARL
I…I….

Joe looks at Troy.
JOE
Is this your boyfriend?

KARL
No, we just met a few minutes
ago.

EXT. BUILDING ROOFTOP - NIGHT

Karl sits on the edge of the roof of a tall building.

Music from the party is heard.

Troy enters through a door.

Troy walks up to Karl.

TROY
I heard you were up here.

KARL
Our classmates below are very
friendly. They wave.

Karl waves to people below.

TROY
I am sorry you had to see that.

KARL
No, it’s my  fault. I jump to
conclusions. I thought we had a
spark.

TROY
We did. We still do.

KARL
But not enough to have sex with me.

TROY
That just sort of happened.

KARL
That sort of thing never happens to
me.

TROY
Never?

KARL
Never. I thought college would be
different. Things are just like they
were in high school.

TROY
I’m sorry.

KARL
You know how hard it is to be gay and
not get along with straight classmates?

TROY
You’re preaching to the choir.

KARL
Do you know how hard it is to be gay
and never find acceptance from other gays?

Troy is silent considering matters for a long pause.

The fourth song is heard in the distance.

TROY
I’m sorry.

KARL
I told myself. Things have to change.
College has to be different.

TROY
College is. Time for a whole new life.

KARL
So you would have sex with me?

TROY
I mean, come on, we just met.

KARL
That didn’t matter with Joe.

Karl pushes himself off the ledge.

Screams are heard from below.

Troy stands up in shock.

INT. TROY’S AND JOE’S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

The fourth oldies song continues playing.

The older Troy dances with the older Joe.

The older Harvey dances with the older Chelsea.

The older Snowflake danes with the older Don.

TROY
I am so glad Moonlight won Best
Picture.

JOE
What we need next is better
recognition of Asians in pictures.

DON
You’re getting there.

JOE
Americans think Asians can only
perform karate in movies. Even
then, some white guy is portrayed
doing it better.

SNOWFLAKE
That’s not true. We think you can
also do kung fu movies.

JOE
I bet if anyone ever did a movie about
our lives, the Asian character would
come in late in the movie and have the
smallest role.

CHELSEA
The star playing you would still be paid
more than the females with more lines.

HARVEY
I’m just glad we are seeing movies that
are opening people’s minds.

DON
I agree. The direction this country is
heading is scaring me.

HARVEY
I still am in shock we elected that
deplorable woman President.


CHELSEA
Don’t blame me. I didn’t vote for her.

SNOWFLAKE
How could we possibly allow Sarah Palin
to get elected?

CHELSEA
Blame Don. He thought a reality show with
Vice President Palin would open the public’s
eyes.

DON
It did, but it also resonated with many people
who are angry and frustrated. I think there is
a yearning for a past era that will never return.

TROY
Oh, the yearning for that era to keep us uppity
negroes in our place, that’s coming back,
believe me.

JOE
And we homosexuals are to stay in the closet.

SNOWFLAKE
The studios want us to tone down our message
films.

TROY
Tone down? We barely made a peep, and
then we get squashed.

DON
I am stuck with the studio’s last mess. This
will be third third attempt to make a movie about
that horrid children’s book, and they stuck me
trying to figure out how to unravel this disaster.

HARVEY
I know. And to think the executives still
think there is a market for that awful Harry
Potter series.

CHELSEA
At least Harvey and I made a boatload of
money from the Fifty Shades book series.

HARVEY
The studio has green lighted three prequels.

CHELSEA
I just feel that, somewhere, we entered this
industry full of creatvity, with plans to change
the world.

SNOWFLAKE
Then we all gave up hope.

TROY
We sold out to our industry masters.

JOE
I wish I mattered enough to sell out.

HARVEY
We’ll keep you in mind.

JOE
How about Fifty Shades of Martial
Arts? More violence. More fun.

CHELSEA
Why is there so much violence in
films? It’s like we’re telling audiences
that violence is natural and normal.
Then we wonder why there is so
much violence in the world.

DON
Ticket buyers are sadists. They want
blood, explosions, disasters, fight
scene, car crashes.

HARVEY
No one above the age of three wants
to watch films about happy people
doing happy things.

CHELSEA
Even below the age of three. My kids
loved cartoon where some animal
explodes or burns another animal.

DON
Get them conditional to violence
when they’re young.

CHELSEA
Should they be laughing at violence?

TROY
Comedy is irony. Maybe they laugh
because they see a violent world
as ironic.

JOE
Why aren’t there grand movies about
peace and love?

DON
Who’d want to see that?

JOE
It’s what the public should see. We have
a duty to society.

HARVEY
We have a duty to keep our jobs.

CHELSEA
There are movies about love. And
they’re highly profitable. It’s called
porn.

JOE
Not sex. Love. Peace. People
getting along.

SNOWFLAKE
The characters in porn seem to get
along quite nicely.

TROY
That’s another exploitive part of the
industry. Those actors are paid
diddly while the companies earn
huge profits.

CHELSEA
SAG should be allowed to unionize
porn stars.

TROY
That, I’d like to see. Hi, I’m the
representative of the porn actors
union. If there isn’t an orgasm in
five minutes, you will have to pay
overtime.

SNOWFLAKE
It would liven up Guild meetings.

CHELSEA
Porn stars unite, you have nothing
to lose but your chains, and your
handcuffs.

HARVEY
The Oscars could add a Best Porno
category.

DON
It might make the placement of some
movies more difficult. Now, does “Elle”
go in the porn section or the non-porn
section?

HARVEY
Maybe I’ll finally win an Oscar with
one of my prequels.

SNOWFLAKE
Hollywood. It’s not porn if you say its
art.

TROY
I did a porno movie once.

SNOWFLAKE
So did I.

JOE
Don’t look at me. Hollywood
thinks all Asians have no genitalia.

TROY
I was young. I needed money for
school books.

HARVEY
College books do cost.

SNOWFLAKE
I used my money to buy drugs.

HARVEY
Why didn’t you borrow money from
Don?

SNOWFLAKE
The drugs were for him.

HARVEY
I wasted all my spending money
on books.

JOE
Ah, the good ole college days.

HARVEY
You would be surprised how many
famous actors secretly did porn
before they became famous.

SNOWFLAKE
I never went to a football game
in college.

CHELSEA
We…had a football team?

CHELSEA
Do you think any of the football
team came to our screenings?

TROY
Some players were in our program.
And they were very nice.

JOE
You should know.

TROY
Who do you think I did the porno
with?

SNOWFLAKE
Mine was with lacrosse players.

HARVEY
Men or women’s team?

SNOWFLAKE
Both.

DON
And you’re never seeing it…
Until a special release we’re
planning in two years.

HARVEY
You know, if it made the Internet,
it lives on.

DON
I’m just glad the press hasn’t
found it. I want to control the
PR.

TROY
I wish to press would find mine.
I could use the publicity..

JOE
The press found my Japanese karate
movie I made in high school. I am
so embarrassed.

CHELSEA
We…had lacrosse teams?

DON
I wish I had signed Casey Affleck.
He deserved his Best Actor Oscar.

HARVEY
Rogue One was finally the role that
got him his Oscar.

SNOWFLAKE
I thought Matt Damon would win. He
gave a great performance in Manchester
By the Sea.

The fourth oldies song plays.

Troy walks to a window.

Troy stares out the window.

Troy listens to the song and nods his head to the beat.

Troy closes his eyes and nods his head to the beat.

EXT. BUILDING ROOFTOP - NIGHT

The fourth song continues playing.

The younger Karl sits at the edge of the building.

The younger Troy sits next to Karl.

KARL
I told myself, things have to change…

TROY
They will. Things will get better.

KARL
But no one ever wants to have
sex with me. Even you.

TROY
I want more than that. You, I
would consider having a
relationship.

KARL
But I’m too hideous for sex.


TROY
No, sex is an important part
of a relationship. I want us
to have the whole package.

KARL
Thank you.

Karl nods and smiles at Troy.

KARL (cont’d)
Let’s go back to the party.

TROY
Sounds good.

Troy stands.

Karl stands.

Troy walks towards the door.

Karl walks towards the door.

The fourth song continues playing.

EXT. OUTSIDE FROLICKERS HOLLYWOOD BAR - NIGHT

The fourth oldies song continues playing from inside the bar.

The older Troy exits the bar. Troy wears an expensive three piece suit.

Troy walks to the end of the block.

The older Joe walks up behind Troy.

There are no other people around.

Joe pulls out a gun.

JOE
Give me your wallet, and you
won’t get hurt

TROY
I’m not resisting. You can have
my wallet.

Troy puts his hand inside suit pocket.

Joe shoves his gun into Troy’s side.

TROY (cont’d)
I’m reaching from my wallet.

Troy removes his wallet.

Troy hands the wallet to Joe.

Joe takes the wallet and looks through it

JOE
No cash?

TROY
I don’t carry cash.

JOE
I’m not a credit card thief.

TROY
I’m sorry I didn’t plan
accordingly.

JOE
You have nothing here I can
use. Not even a condom.

TROY
Sorry. I left those at home.

JOE
You have car keys?

Troy pulls car keys out of a pocket.

Joe snatches the keys.

JOE
You have a BMW?


TROY
Yes.

JOE
Where’s it parked?

TROY
You don’t steal credit
cards but you’ll steal
a car?

JOE
I know a chop shop…
None of your business.

TROY
You’re going to chop up
a brand new BMW?

JOE
I doubt you’ll starve.

TROY
That would be a crime
against humanity.

JOE
Where is it parked?

TROY
I’m not telling.

JOE
You’d die over a car?

TROY
You’d fire a gun next to a
crowded bar? Without the
car, you won’t get far.

JOE
There’s a subway across the
street.

TROY
With security cameras.

JOE
Show me your car. I’ll give
you to three.

Joe points the gun at Troy’s head.

Joe stares into Troy’s eyes.

Troy stares into Joe’s eyes.

JOE (cont’d)
Three…two…

TROY
Joe?

Joe stares at Troy.

JOE
Troy?

Troy extends his hand for a handshake towards Joe.

TROY
How are you? It’s been, what…
years?

JOE
I read with you when I auditioned
to be with you in Snakes on a
Plane.

TROY
I’m sorry they didn’t pick you. You
read well.

JOE
My agent said you turned me down.

TROY
No, you know how agents lie. So,
how have you been?

JOE
Not as well as you. Work has been
hard to come by.

TROY
I am sorry to hear that. You were such
a talent in college.

JOE
I peaked in college. It’s been downhill
ever since.

TROY
Come inside the bar. We should catch
up.

INT. FROLICKERS HOLLYWOOD BAR - NIGHT

The older Troy sits at a table across from the older Joe.

Music plays from a jukebox.

TROY
You remember Karl?

JOE
Do I ever.

TROY
We’re married.

JOE
You made a great couple.

TROY
Karl’s writing my next screenplay.

JOE
His stuff was very cutting edge.

TROY
If there’s a part, I’ll you know.

JOE
My old agent won’t believe you
said that.


TROY
Who’s your current agent?

JOE
I’m currently in-between
representation.

TROY
Of course…So, how did you get
into your current line of work?

JOE
Why does anyone do anything?
I need the money.

TROY
Look, if its money, let me give you
some.

JOE
No, I couldn’t take your money.

TROY
I’ll loan it to you.

JOE
I couldn’t.

TROY
What? You were going to steal
it from me? Why not let me give
you some?

JOE
I have to earn it.

TROY
I’ll…see you’re hired as an extra
for a few days.

JOE
I don’t want your charity.

TROY
It’s not charity. You'll be
earning it.

JOE
That’s no longer my line of
work.

TROY
You have to steal money in
order to take it?

JOE
Correct. I’m strictly professional.

Troy picks up the bill lying on the table.

JOE (cont’d)
I got it.

TROY
No, I got it.

JOE
I insist.

TROY
It’s what old friends do. The
next time you rob me, you can
pay.

Troy removes a wad of cash while looking at the bill.

JOE
Wait, I thought you didn’t have any
cash.

TROY
I lied.

JOE
I trusted you.

TROY
I’m going to tell the truth to a
robber?

JOE
All you industry  people, you all
lie.

TROY
I believe the circumstances
warranted lying.

JOE
You always justify your lies. You
hurt my feelings.

TROY
How do you think I felt with a gun
pointed towards me?

JOE
I didn’t lie to you.

TROY
So you were telling the truth when
you said you’d shoot me?

JOE
Yes. I don’t lie

TROY
Now my feelings are hurt. We used
to be friends.

JOE
I didn’t know it was you.

TROY
You knew I was someone.

JOE
I’ll prove I’m not a liar.

TROY
What?

JOE
Pretend I am a method actor who
means it when I say, give me your
car keys, right now, or I’ll shoot you.

Joe removes his gun under the table.

Joe shoves the gun against Troy.

A fifth oldies song plays on the jukebox

TROY
You’d shoot me? In front of all these
witnesses, to prove a point?

JOE
Yes.

TROY
You were the worst method actor I
ever saw. Take your gun and shove
it up your butt. Which you’d probably
enjoy.

Joe fires the gun.

Troy bleeds profusely from the wound.

Troy looks stunned at Joe.

Joe looks stunned at Troy.

INT. NORTHER CALIFORNIA HALL - NIGHT

The fifth songs continues playing.

The young Troy enters the room.

The young Karl enters the room with Troy.

Troy and Karl join the young Harvey, young Snowflake, young Chelsea, and young Don.

SNOWFLAKE
Welcome back.

HARVEY
We heard you were on the roof.

TROY
We were exploring.


KARL
Getting fresh air.

CHELSEA
I’ll have to try exploring and
breathing fresh air heavily up
there myself.

SNOWFLAKE
How was the view?

KARL
You could see the lights across
campus.

SNOWFLAKE
Cool. The lights of our future.

DON
The lights of many tests and
deadlines.

CHELSEA
It’s so exciting. This is our first
step into our future…who knows?

DON
Maybe we’ll win Oscars.

CHELSEA
We’ll become role models,

SNOWFLAKE
I hope I become famous.

TROY
I’d settle for rich.

DON
Rich versus fame. Which do
you prefer? Ego or gratification?

SNOWFLAKE
Why not both?

KARL

I’ll probably die a forgotten writer.
I hope my works live on.

DON
Which would you prefer? Fame in
your lifetime, and then you’re
forgotten? Or no fame in your lifetime
but you become a legend after your
death?

HARVEY
Sessue Hayakawa, or Vincent Van
Gough?

SNOWFLAKE
I still want both.

TROY
Both, plus wealth.

SNOWFLAKE
I could live the lifestyle of a rich, famous
actor.

DON
What if you aren’t rich and famous?

SNOWFLAKE
It’s called method acting.

TROY
I hear some of the teachers instruct
method acting.

SNOWFLAKE
I can easily immerse myself into a
role. Become another person.

HARVEY
Would you do that outside class?
You’re cast as Helen of Troy. Would
you address us as a Trojan and insist
we call you Helen?


SNOWFLAKE
I could see that.

CHELSEA
What is your cast as a psychotic
killer?

SNOWFLAKE
I could become that character.

HARVEY
We’ll have to stay away from you.

SNOWFLAKE
I wouldn’t kill anyone. Obviously,
psychotic killers don’t go around
killing people, or they’d get caught.
But they walk around, considering
where the dark alleys are, which
places have abandoned rooms,
where escape routes are. Plus,
even psychotic killers have to
buy toothpaste and go to the
bathroom.

KARL
What is the psychotic killer
method of going to the bathroom?

TROY
I think method acting is bull. Hate
it. You only need to be your
character when you’re on stage or
before a camera. Other than that,
it doesn’t matter if you’re in character.

HARVEY
I agree. You have to be yourself in
order to discuss the role with the
director or the crew. You can't
pretend you’re a character who
doesn’t realize it’s all fake.

DON
Do you think creating a mindset that
you are that character will help you
portray that character better?

TROY
Sure. But there’s no sense in being a
fanatic about it.

SNOWFLAKE
You can turn on and off being a
character, just like that?

TROY
Yes. It’s called acting.

KARL
Look at this. We haven’t had our
first class yet and already we’ve
figured everything out.

DON
Karl, have you figured out
screenwriting?

KARL
Absolutely. Three acts. Weak male
meets hot woman. Weak make
faces enormous obstacles. His
situation is hopeless. Hot female
wants nothing to do with him. Weak
male overcomes all obstacles and
saves the woman from disaster.
There is an obligatory car chase
scene. Male gets female. Fade out.

DON
Wow. Give this man his degree.

CHELSEA
Would you write a documentary
movie?

KARL
Yes. But I’ll insist there be a car
chase scene.

CHELSEA
What if it is shot in the rain forest?

KARL
What better place to be saved from
a car chase?

HARVEY
If our teachers know their subjects,
why aren’t they out there making
the big bucks in the film and TV
industry instead of lowly teacher
salaries?

KARL
If you can’t become a success,
you can always teach.

CHELSEA
Why can’t you be a success and
then teach?

HARVEY
You don’t want to create your
own competition.

SNOWFLAKE
You could teach them wrong.

CHELSEA
Remind me to tell my kids to
never sign up for a class you’re
teaching.

HARVEY
Our classes are not all acting
and writing There’s cinematography,
editing, sound…

TROY
Wardrobe.

SNOWFLAKE
Red carpets. Signing autographs.

DON
Publicity, accounting, legal.

TROY
Food catering. You think financial,
I think food and clothing.

DON
I bet you’d be great with costume
design

TROY
You think just because I’m gay, I’d
be good at clothing design?

DON
Ummmm….

TROY
I’d be fantastic.

HARVEY
Anyone want to direct?

KARL
I do.

DON
Yes.

CHELSEA
Absolutely.

SNOWFLAKE
Who doesn’t?

HARVEY
Just as I suspected.

DON
The President of the United
States wants to direct.

KARL
At his inauguration, his mother
was telling everyone “my other
son is a director.”


CHELSEA
Why not “my daughter directs”?

DON
There just aren’t that many female
directors.

CHELSEA
That should change.

DON
Directors have to know how to
manage people.

CHELSEA
You think woman can’t manage
people?

SNOWFLAKE
Women have long expertise as
people managers. They’’re called
mothers.

TROY
Most actors are babies.

DON
If you were a director, how would
you motivate a male actor?

CHELSEA
I’d pull his pants down and spank
him.

DON
You can’t punish an actor like that.

CHELSEA
No, that’s his reward when he’s
good.

HARVEY
I think there may become legal
problems with that.


SNOWFLAKE
Not only are there fewer women
directors, they get paid less.

CHELSEA
You don’t see many women given
the big money makers to direct.

DON
Thus they don’t deserve the
larger pay.

TROY
How many Back directors do you
see?

DON
There are a few.

TROY
How many of them direct a
predominately white cast? And
don’t say a Black man doesn’t
know how to manage white people.

KARL
Why do we revere directors so
much? Screenwriters write the
script. Directors just tell people
where to stand while shooting the
script.

SNOWFLAKE
Directing is much more. It’s like
an artist. The director creates the
mood, guides how lines are read,
decides how the lighting paints
the scene, how the music creates
an atmosphere.

KARL
But the writer creates the words.

SNOWFLAKE
Directing is art.

KARL
Writing is art.

HARVEY
Acting is art.

CHELSEA
It’s all art.

DON
So…is anyone taking the
option of taking one course
pass fail?

HARVEY
They say most people who
take a course pass fail would
have have gotten an A.

CHELSEA
Because you study better,
more calmly, and enjoy the
course more without the pressure
of a grade.

TROY
So you would have gotten a high
grade on a course when you’re
not graded, but the pressure
and stress of being graded means
you won’t do as well.

KARL
Well, that should prepare us for
life.

CHELSEA
I’m planning on taking summer
classes and graduating in three
years.

SNOWFLAKE
Why?

CHELSEA
It’ll save money. Plus I can start
my career year earlier.

SNOWFLAKE
I want to take my time and a get the
full education experience. I see
myself graduating in five or six
years.

DON
Do your parents see you doing
that?

SNOWFLAKE
I want to read as much as I can
about it all.

DON
Those books are expensive.

SNOWFLAKE
Maybe I’ll get a work study job.
Something to pay for them.

HARVEY
Look, who is that Asian guy
over there?

KARL
Joe.

HARVEY
You've met him?

KARL
Don’t ask.

HARVEY
You see what he’s doing? He’s
stealing all the brownies.

SNOWFLAKE
I saw that. He slipped one into
a pocket, thinking no one saw
him


TROY
Well, I’d never hire him. He’s
a thief.

HARVEY
Maybe he’ll become an
entertainment lawyer.

TROY
The problem, also is…he’s
just bad at it. We can all
see him doing it.

CHELSEA
Maybe he’ll become an agent.

KARL
A movie mogul calls an agent
into his office. The mogul tells
the agent that he will give the
agent one million dollars to
press a button. If the agent
presses the button, as associate
in a nursing home in a country
with no extradition treaty with
the United States will go up
to an anonymous elderly man
and poison him to death with
an untraceable poison.

SNOWFLAKE
What?

KARL
The agent is outraged. The agent
declares the mogul is sick and
demented, and there is no way the
agent will be involved in the death
of a human being.

HARVEY
OK.

KARL
The agent storms out of the room,
turns to the mogul, raises his fist,
and says, “two million”.

CHELSEA
That’s just sick.

TROY
I’d take the million dollars.

KARL
I’d do it for free, just to get away
with killing someone.

DON
And you’re making the Asian kid
look better.

CHELSEA
For me, it would depend.

DON
On what?

CHELSEA
If it is a woman, I’d need two
million. If it is a man, ten thousand
would cover it.

TROY
Where I come from, you can get
popped for a pair of sneakers.

DON
You know, Joe might have a good
idea. I bet he’s going to sell all
those brownies

SNOWFLAKE
After they’ve been in his pockets?

DON
Dope has traveled to market in far
worse containers.

TROY
Where I come from, stealing
someone’s dope will get you
popped.

CHELSEA
I wonder who brought the
brownies. He’s going to be
upset.

KARL
Hey, your brownies were a hit.
They’re all gone.

DON
Yeah, you could keep making
more and sell them.

CHELSEA
You need a sale rep? Meet Joe.

HARVEY
Attend film school and learn how
to sell pot.

SNOWFLAKE
That could be useful to learn. When
we start out as production assistants
we’ll need to know where to buy
pot for the director.

KARL
What about pot for the screenwriter?

SNOWFLAKE
The screenwriter is never on the set.

KARL
Everyone hates us

DON
I bought stock in every  major studio.

CHELSEA
Braggart.

DON
I did it to be seen. Even if you own
one share, you’re allowed to go to
the annual stockholders meeting.

CHELSEA
So?

DON
The more you get out there, the
more people see you.

CHELSEA
I’d rather be seen across the street
picketing them

DON
I wouldn’t do that. They might
remember who you are.

CHELSEA
Good.

TROY
They’ll remember me. Hi, you
may recall me, the only Black
guy in the room.

KARL
They’ll probably all reply: No.

SNOWFLAKE
I hear the free food at the
stockholders meeting is pretty
good.

DON
I bet Joe steals is all.

HARVEY
That’d be interesting. An
underground stale pastry
market. Hey, you wanna buy
a bagel, cheap?

DON
Is anyone taking the course on
computerized special effects?

HARVEY
That’s just a fad. Audiences
want to see real people. They
will tire of these computerized
effects in a few years.

SNOWFLAKE
I’m taking the course on cartoons.

DON
Cartoons? That’s the children’s
market. You can’t earn a living
doing that.

CHELSEA
If you enjoy it, do it. Create strong
female characters.

TROY
With big boobs. Not, of course, that
I care about that.

KARL
I’ll write a script for Troy where I’ll
give his character big boobs.

DON
I’m sure that will make the Saturday
morning line up.

KARL
Do you know may many cross
dressers there  are in mainstream
shows? Milton Berle. Bugs Bunny.

SNOWFLAKE
Lassie.

TROY
You can’t imagine my reaction when
I first saw Flip Wilson become Geraldine.
I knew then what I wanted to do.

KARL
Buy a dress.

TROY
No. Become an actor. I realized, if
someone like that can create so
much joy for so many people, I
want to be that person giving out
so much joy.

KARL
That’s beautiful.

TROY
And then I bought a dress.

A sixth song is heard.

TROY (cont’d)
You know, I was listening to that
song when I read my letter of
acceptance into this program. That
song brings back some many happy
memories.

INT. KARL’S LIVING ROOM - DAY

The sixth song continues playing on a radio.

The living room is part of a low income house with sparse furnishings.

The younger Karl sits at a table opening a letter.

Karl reads the letter.

JULIA, Karl’s mother, anxiously stands behind Karl trying to also read the letter.

KARL
Due to financial considerations,
Northern California University has
decided to close its School of Film
and Television in three years. As
such, we are unable to offer you
or any new incoming students
admission…

JULIA
Who needs college? You can
get a job.

Karl stares into space listening to the song.

INT. JASON’S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

The sixth song continues playing.

JASON dances with ALBERTA.

CLARISSA dances with DAVID.

Jason, Alberta, Clarissa, and David are all white and the same age as the older characters.

ALBERTA
I can’t believe Moonlight didn’t
win Best Picture.

JASON
It wasn’t even nominated. It
couldn’t have won.

CLARISSA
Paris Hilton winning Best Actress
was certainly a surprise.

DAVID
She studied hard, honed her craft.
People underestimated her

ALBERTA
How about Donald Trump winning
Best Director?

DAVID
He made the jump from TV to movies
just fine. He’ll have a long career as
a director.

CLARISSA
I am just gad to be a part of the
film industry.

JASON
Aren’t you worried about being
typecast? Three Oscar wins,
and each time you played a
prostitute.

CLARISSA
Those are the only roles
available. I’ll gladly play
a whore.

DAVID
I’m glad I married a method
actor.

JASON
Anyone notice not a single
Black or Asian actor was
nominated for an Oscar
this year?

ALBERTA
No, I hadn’t noticed.

DAVID
Me neither.

CLARISSA
Who cares?

Clarissa laughs,

David laughs.

Alberta laughs.

Jason laughs.

FADE OUT